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Five Surefire Winter Blues Beaters

Yes, it’s that time of year again.

The New Year isn’t so new and fresh, anymore. The Valentine’s chocolate is (mostly) eaten. But no matter what the groundhog proclaimed about spring a few weeks back, where I live we’re just settling into the real endurance run: another month, if not two, of cold, slushy, unpredictable weather.

I call it the long tail of winter.

Now, if you happen to live in Victoria, or even Vancouver, you may be wondering what on earth I’m talking about. The cherry blossoms are out on YOUR trees. Gloat your heart out: you deserve to. Our trees, out here in the Atlantic, won’t see buds ’til May. Our shoveling season is just getting started.

Sigh.

I love where I live: it is my home, and my roots go deep here. I lived elsewhere – on both the west and Arctic coasts of Canada, in Asia and Europe and in other parts of the Maritimes – for fifteen years. By the time I moved back to PEI seven years ago, I was more than ready to appreciate all the familiar quirks the Island had to offer. But every February for the past seven years, as the winter drags on longer than is civilized, I’ve had a fleeting moment of wondering what the heck I was ON when I packed my bags and hightailed it home.

It’s lovely in Thailand this time of year. Just sayin’.

If, however, you – like me – do not have the travel budget for a respite from winter, I offer some relatively green and inexpensive suggestions to warm you, heart and soul, while the snow still howls.

1. If you can’t beat it, join it. Go sledding.

Photo credit: www.flickr.com/photos/caseycanada/4314851216/

Yes, I realize the snow is chilly. And wet. And dries out the skin. And that none of these things is particularly pleasant, in and of itself. Strangely, though, getting outside on a sparkling winter day can actually be quite exhilarating. Add to that the high speed, I-could-expire-at-any-moment thrill of careening down a hill on a tube/crazy carpet/meal hall tray (ahem) and the rosy cheeks from chugging back UP said hill in the cold, and you have good clean classic Canadian winter fun.

2. Have a hibernation party.

Photo credit: www.flickr.com/photos/jenkim/4230741504/

If the days are gray and slushy, sledding may not sound like such an entertaining prospect. Those of us more inclined towards indoor pursuits in the first place have an advantage, in winter: our hibernatory tendencies become more socially acceptable. But you don’t have to hole up alone: invite friends over for a cozy afternoon or evening of totally, shamelessly sedentary amusements. Play poker. Break out the old crokinole board. Walk on the wild side and convince people to try a round of charades: in short, do things that people did for generations before TV and social media and hyperscheduling made our winters not entirely socially distinguishable from summer.

3. Purge the winter flab of your living space.
I know, this one may not exactly sound like the equivalent of a beach vacation. And no, housecleaning isn’t entirely my idea of a great time. But as somebody wise once said about writing, I don’t like the writing, I like having written. Me, I like having housecleaned, especially on a scale grand enough to clear out a previously unusable corner of my home. A new perspective – even on the mundanity of, say, your sock drawer, really perks things up, and when better to achieve that than when the long tail of winter has you stuck inside anyhow? Plus you can list the things you’ve outgrown on, say, your local usedeverywhere site! And save the profits towards a winter vacation NEXT year!

You can thank me with a postcard.

4. Cozy up with a hot drink.

Photo credit (replete with recipe): The Kitchn’s hot apple ginger toddy: perfection.

There’s nothing lovelier than a nice hot mug cupped between chapped and chilly fingers, and a wintertime drink warming your belly. Summertime can keep its gimlets and its iced tea: I’ll take something toasty anyday. Especially if there’s a fire to curl up in front of, while sipping.

There are creative and delicious hot drinks for almost any palate: I happen to love Celestial Seasonings’ Bengal Spice tea, Korean yu ja cha, and this recipe for bittersweet hot chocolate. Don’t be stingy with the citrus. Or the whipping cream. Whatever fits.

5. Get some light.
Many of us struggle during these long winters because our bodies simply don’t get enough Vitamin D. Supplements don’t necessarily cut it: it’s light that seems to have a positive impact on the aptly named Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD. My practice: when there’s light, I get in it. I take a short walk, or I sit near the window, sunning myself like a cat.

Then I eat the dregs of the Valentine’s chocolate. That helps too.

Still, winter gets loooooong. Sometimes none of these efforts quite succeeds in beating back the winter blues and blahs.

If all of the above should fail, I have one final weapon in my arsenal.

It’s for special circumstances only. It’s not for the faint of heart. But it works.

When it all gets too cold for comfort, I remind myself of the inevitability of spring by singing. Specifically, by singing the last verse of my very favourite never-fail campy classic, the under-rated Bette Midler inspirational hymn, The Rose.

Very loudly. Also, off-key.

When the night has been too lonely, and the road has been too long
And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong
Just remember, in the winter, far beneath the winter snows
Lies the seed, that with the sun’s love, in the spring becomes the Rose.
(Songwriting credit: Amanda McBroom)

Try it. Guaranteed you’ll either believe it by the end, or you’ll be laughing so hard you’ll feel better ’til March.

Get the Look – Sarah Richardson's Farmhouse Bedroom

Do you ever watch HGTV, or thumb through design magazines and grow depressed at what designers call “great deals”?  Even in many “Get the look for less” articles the low end items can be out of my budget.  But I don’t despair, because I know that with some creativity, a bit of elbow grease, and some patient thriftiness you can often get those looks for even less than “less”.  Let’s take this lovely bedroom, designed by the talented and much-loved Sarah Richardson along with her good friend Thomas Smythe.  It was featured on her show, the eponymous “Sarah’s House” season 3 on HGTV Canada:

Master bedroom from "Sarah's House 3"

I love this room – it’s vibrant, pattern-filled, cozy, and quirky.  But Sarah’s budget and my budget are not really on the same planet, and chances are you may feel the same way.

So let’s surf UsedEverywhere to find some of these elements to create our own cheerful farmhouse bedroom, shall we?

Let’s start from the ground up and search for a Persian rug. How about this one on UsedRegina for $50?  Yes please.

Persian rug on Used Regina for $50

This bed isn’t exactly the same, but it’s gorgeous, has a similar four-poster feel and it’s a lot less than the 3 grand Sarah dropped on her antique bed:

A queen size brass four poster bed on UsedRegina for $650

And this chandelier may be a bit smaller in scale, but that’s probably a good thing if you don’t have the same soaring ceilings.  (If you do, hang the chandelier a bit closer and lower over the bed, or hang it over a different area, like over the pair of chairs.)

A great chandelier selling for $25 on UsedRegina

Design by Sarah Richardson

And if you have the room, you could easily install an electric fireplace for a quick dose of character.  Electric fireplaces have come a long way since the tissue paper and fan fireplace we had when I was a kid.  For starters, how about this mantel for $30?  You could buy a firebox, or just fill it full of candles or firewood.

$30 Fireplace Mantel on UsedRegina

And some brass candlesticks for the mantel, just like in the inspiration picture:

Brass candle holders on UsedRegina for $5

Did you notice that interesting woodbox for holding firewood?  You could replicate the look by painting this plant stand in orange or another kicky colour, and storing logs in it.

An antique plant stand on UsedRegina for $50

Design by Sarah Richardson

In my humble opinion I find the side tables a little too midcentury modern for the room, but you could acheive a similar open look with a couple of side tables like these:

Antique demi-lune table for $50 on UsedRegina

A curvy old oak side table on UsedRegina for $90

And this phone is black, but just as charming as the one atop the side table… and it works!

$80 Antique phone on UsedRegina

And for bedside light you can look for some shapely lamps that can be spray painted in any colour you like, similar to the orange ones seen in the inspiration picture.  (Or, if you find a pair of vases you like, you could follow my lamp DIY and convert a vase into a table lamp!)

Bedside lamps for $10 each on UsedRegina

Design by Sarah Richardson

This wooden dresser is perfect, and just needs some new hardware.  (You could add white knobs like the dresser in the inspiration picture)

Antique dresser on UsedRegina for $125

And a simple mirror, a pretty little tea set, and a crystal lamp should be easy enough to find on UsedEverywhere or a thrift store.

Design by Sarah Richardson

This pair of wingback chairs on UsedRegina may not fit with the room yet – but they’re FREE, so why not buy some of this colourful floral fabric

"Wonderland" fabric from Designer Fabrics Online

and have them reupholstered or slipcovered?

Can't argue with free chairs on UsedRegina

And how about this great vintage lamp for $25

1950's brass lamp for $25 on UsedRegina

perched atop one of these tables

Two round side tables for $10 on UsedRegina

between the chairs to recreate the look of the seating area in Sarah’s room?

And a key part of the charming farmhouse aesthetic are the framed vintage botanical prints.  These ones are available on UsedRegina for as low as $10.

One of a selection of beautiful old botanical prints on UsedRegina

They’re the perfect finishing touch to your sunny farmhouse bedroom.

And there you have it!  If you have a room you’d like to challenge me with, leave a link to it in the comments section!

UsedBlog Watches: "American Look" (Mid-Century Modern Inspiration)

Interested in Mid-Century modern decor?  American Look, the 1958 film made by Chevrolet, will educate and inspire you . Ready to start decorating? Check out our Mid-Century Mod Pinterest page for all sorts of period furnishings and decor pinned from our Used sites across Canada.

The Golden Rule of Going Used

There are times in everyone’s life where points of fate intersect at a perfect angle. Those times that actually make you believe things are meant to happen. I felt it the first time I heard a drumbeat that stopped me cold and my eyes fell upon the woman I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I felt it when I held each of my sons for the first time.

And I feel it every time I write a tweet for UsedRegina.

This job was made for me. You see,“used” and I go way back. I have always had an affection for the old and interesting, not to mention a serious crush on getting a deal. I’d be combing through the UsedRegina site a few times a day even if I wasn’t writing for them.

And I don’t just look. I buy and sell. In the last two weeks alone I’ve purchased a trombone, a bookshelf, some Neil Diamond tickets and six garden gnomes. And I’ve sold everything from insulation to Il Divo tickets (I won them in a contest. I want it made perfectly clear I did not purchase Il Divo tickets. Nor would I ever). And I have learned a lot of things about what makes a good Used experience. And it can be boiled down to one golden rule that should be followed by buyers and sellers alike.

First let me say this rule is more of a Ms. Manners-like absolute for good buyer and seller decorum. I won’t talk about the important safety tips you should also consider when making a deal. Fellow blogger Katie Bresner already did that wonderfully with her post Safety First. Read it.

My rule is a simple eight words that should be followed in our day-to-day too:

Do what you say you’re going to do.

That’s it. Sounds pretty easy huh? If you’re a buyer and you say you’re going to go check out an item and you can’t make it or change your mind, email the seller. They could be holding that item for you and turning down serious offers waiting for you. And if you’re a seller and you say you will hold an item until a certain time, hold it until then. Or if you say you are going to be home at certain time so a buyer can come by, be there. Or let them know if you can’t. A twenty-second email can save a lot of time and trouble.

And when you commit to a price, either as a buyer or a seller, honour it. Don’t try a lower offer or hold out for more once a deal is made.

See? Doesn’t sound that difficult, but you’d be surprised how often we fail at this. I’ve done it myself. But if we all just remember what we’ve basically been told our whole lives – honour your commitments and tell the truth – we’ll all save ourselves a lot of grief.

I’m not a fan of grief myself, so I think I’ll give it a go.

Follow Brodie on Twitter: @usedregina

Rustic Appeal

It’s deep winter and I’m craving all things cozy: warm drinks spiced with cinnamon or nutmeg, fuzzy mittens and knit scarves, and glowing candles in the cool dark evenings. And my design aesthetic shifts too. Summer’s bright whites and breezy linens won’t be a reality for a long time, and instead I want to surround myself in rich velvet or heavy wool. It’s like I want to retreat to a rustic cabin in the woods. Can you picture it?  Rough hewn beams, worn hardwood floors, knicked up old wooden furniture …

Weathered wood is definitely in style right now. I think there may be two reasons for this. One, we don’t want our homes to look so straight-out-of-the-box brand new; we want them to have character, patina, and a collected look. And second, more and more people are considering the environment in their design and re-using wood fits right in with the “Three R’s” mindset.

Here are some examples of reused wood in some beautiful interiors:

Design by Claire Archambault, Photograph by Monic Richard for Maison & Demeure

Wooden ceiling by Restoration Timber featured on Remodelista

Another ceiling clad with old barn wood. Design by Sarah Richardson and Thomas Smythe. Photograph by Stacey Brandford.

Design by Kevin and Layla Palmer from The Lettered Cottage

Reader room featured on Design*Sponge

Stairs designed from old wood by Jan Korbes, featured on Apartment Therapy

Painted barn boards. Photograph from Better Homes & Gardens

Design by Kriste Michelini Interiors, photograph by Lisa Duncan for Elle Decor

Design by Christie Hansen, architecture by Pearson Design, photograph by Virginia MacDonald for Canadian House & Home

As you can see, the material is really versatile – used on ceilings, floors, or walls; used for tabletops, staircases, headboards, or doors.  It’s used by high-end designers and every day handy DIY’ers. It fits in a pretty cottage, a funky vintage bungalow, a grand country house, or a clean modern condo.

So why not search your back yard, or UsedEverywhere, for wooden boards from old barns, sheds, floors, doors, palettes, boxes, fences… and add some old charm to your home?  I found this listing on UsedRegina offering old barn wood!

Old barn wood and windows for sale on UsedRegina

And if you do a project like this (or have already done one) please share it with us here at UsedEverywhere!

The Best Backstage Pass in Canada: Victoria House Concert B

That's me and Jay Semko singing together!!! Tick this one off my bucket list!- picture courtesy of Rob Porter, Snap Victoria

I got to be 14 years old again on Sunday night!  And no, I have not discovered a magical time machine to transport me back to the days where dirty diapers, laundry or really any responsibility what so ever was a very foreign concept.  I went to my friend Andy’s house to see Jay Semko, the lead singer of the Northern Pikes, play a concert for a crowd of 50 people in his living room!  As soon as I heard “Kiss Me You Fool” and “Teen land” I instantly became that giddy, carefree teenage girl who would ride around in her friend Trisha’s “boat” (a huge, gas guzzling 1972 Malibu) blasting the Northern Pikes.  In fact, the first CD I ever purchased was the Northern Pikes’ Snow in June.

Here's Andy standing behind a frame filled with song playlists from previous concerts at his home

My friend Andy Briggs has been running small house concerts out of his living room in Fernwood, Victoria since 2007. He came by the idea rather organically when he went to watch a hockey game at a local pub where it turned out Tom Hooper from the Grapes of Wrath was playing. Andy’s a big fan so after coming back week after week to see Tom perform, he finally asked him if he’d be interested in playing a concert in his living room. Tom agreed and from this grew a local musical phenomenon called “Victoria House Concert B.” (BTW, the “B” stands for Briggs which Andy added just in case the name “Victoria House Concert” was already taken…what a smart cookie!)

I was lucky enough to meet Andy about four years ago through my friend Delani who had casually mentioned one day that she’d seen one of my favourite artists play at Andy’s house the previous year.  I think I scared her as I screamed, “You what???? How? Why? Where?  When can I do this???” Being a huge music lover and concert goer, I got very excited over the idea that I could possibly see one of my favourite Canadian artists play to a small group of people at a house party! She introduced me to Andy and over a couple of beers we discovered that we both shared a love for Canadian music. He promised me he’d let me know when the next concert at his house was.

A couple months later, thanks to Andy, my dreams came true. I got to sit a few feet away from my Canadian musical hero as he belted out song after song on his acoustic guitar, transporting me back in time to where I would lock myself in my room, blare his CDs and dance for hours (or rather flail about like a lunatic as young adults do…I’ve since tried this as a 32-year-old woman and I think I managed to get through one song before I had to sit down and grab my inhaler. Note to self:  get going on that New Year’s resolution to work out more. Geez!)

At Sunday’s Northern Pikes concert, Andy graciously offered to answer a few questions for me (Yippee…my very first interview!) about this amazing music venue he’s created and why he continues to open up his home to musicians and fans alike. So here we go:

What is your favourite/most memorable moment from a house concert?

“Perhaps my most memorable moment was the first time I realized that it was not a dream to watch my idol musicians play close and acoustic —  just a touch away, let alone in my own house; to greet, watch, occasionally jam or chat into the early hours, have them stay the night, chat over breakfast, or more importantly facilitate others’ listening enjoyment.

This realization occurred almost immediately with the arrival of my first artist (Tom Hooper, The Grapes of Wrath). I was setting up and returned to it after a short greeting as he showed a desire to settle in to his room and practice/do a set list.  I must have seemed like a giddy, elated boy as he walked out of the living room.  I later found that it was his first house concert and that in actual fact he felt like a nervous child as well.

Not much later the house filled with a voice and song I could not help but recall, but it emanated far crisper than the radio. He was singing one of my favourite songs; ok, all of his were.  Memories of places, best friends, and circumstances were triggered.  I couldn’t help but gravitate respectfully to the adjacent hall to admire and adsorb such clarity.  I was surprised to find the hall empty as well as the staircase to the upstairs.  I quietly and slowly peered up the stairs and followed the music.   Much to my amazement, he was not at the top of the stairs and in fact was down the hall behind closed doors.  I was blown away!   It was just a sign of the sounds that would soon be a part of my new world.

I thought that this was surely a magical time. What started as an inebriated suggestion with a little believing by Tom Hooper, self craziness, and a bit of luck had dropped greatness into my lap.  I would have been elated and awed forever with this chance alone; a privilege I felt that could never be surpassed as he is one of the top dozen Canadian icons. Little did I know the extent of me and my groups’ fortune.”

What artist has played at your house that you thought you would never get?

Without question, each and every artist that has come to play for Victoria House Concert B seemed unlikely in the beginning. I have been both lucky and aggressive in getting some of the best musicians that I possibly could; my thoughts were “why not try?”

With being the sole facilitator I could not help but be initially biased in my choice of musicians. I am very fortunate to have drawn many of the well known Canadian personalities, all of which have surprised me with their professionalism, moralistic kindness, and energy. Canadian musicians are awesome! (I concur with this statement 100%!  Canadian musicians are the best!)

I have never had a bad concert; I look out into the crowd each night to see the elation of smiles and nary hear a pin drop of sound, except when they are encouraged. Who would be dismayed or distraught at such a low cost to see someone like Barney Bentall, Shaun Verreault (Wide Mouth Mason), or Jay Semko (Northern Pikes) close and personal and at length? Perhaps what makes it all my hours of work worthwhile are these times, the music, and the reactions expressed by the viewers.”

The crowd at the Jay Semko concert elated and in awe!

What is the strangest thing that has happened during a house concert?

“I suppose I am fortunate to have return and/or very respectful patrons who come specifically to listen to great music, so not much out of the ordinary occurs. On the positive side, since the industry is so close-knit, quite often other musicians show up (like Tal Bachman or Steph Macpherson or most of a band like Acres of Lions who jammed out a few piano tunes) and play and contributes or an artist like Aidan Knight brings a repertoire of sounds and voices.

I guess my worst nightmare occurred but once during a Vince Vaccaro concert when one of the attendees showed up already on his way to being very inebriated. Since my friend Todd at Hooge Studios graciously records most of the concerts as a gift for the musicians and if they also choose, for us as well to remember, it is usually very quiet and calm; for everyone is essentially there for the music and courteous or just awed into silence very quickly.

Vince Vaccaro jamming in Andy's living room

Anyhow, even just continual talking affects everyone including the artist.  Well, after only a few songs it was suggested that we take a break.   I was fortunate to have the group support and two larger members’ desire to back my decision to refund this man’s ticket if he would exit.”

Who are you currently working on to play in your house in the future? Also, what is your approach to asking artists to play at your house?

“I suppose now that reputation may make it possible to get other musicians it might seem that the sky is the limit.  At the moment I do have a favourites list.  At times they seem impossible to attain and then I recall whom I have already had. Venue size and fame cut into some of those names but others seem plausible. Now that I just had Jay Semko, I’ll press Andrew Cash (Skydiggers) and Neil Osbourne (54-40); both of whom I worship and have negotiated with.

There are many artists both local and abroad so I always keep my ears open.   I occasionally venture out to listen and learn and recruit; one such great artist that returns frequently to Victoria is Jeremy Fisher; he seems like an easy candidate but he is an example of how it is never easy both getting in touch, making them believe, nor making them want to try (the venue can be intimidating to their personal space).  Carly speaking here:  Jeremy Fisher is my favourite artist. Jeremy, if you are reading this…please do a show at Andy’s house!!!  I promise you won’t regret it!)

I am always looking and finding singers.  I suppose the best way to know would be to join the Facebook Group as there is a listing that continually gets updated.  Planned so far is Aussie, David Ross Macdonald (a personal favourite so I can!), locals Mike Edel, Acres of Lions & Steph Macpherson, a Nashville return from Stacey Earle (Sister of Steve) & Mark Stuart, and Lilith Fairs’ top rated 2010 singer Dayna Manning with Ryan McMahon.”

End of Interview

Thanks so much Andy for taking the time to talk about this amazing and intimate music venue you’ve created for everyone to enjoy.  I have so much fun everytime I attend one of your concerts as it’s not only a way to see amazing musicians but I always end up meeting such wonderful and interesting people of all ages and walks of life:

This was Rob and Andrea's first house concert...I'm sure we'll see them at the next one!

And the best thing about these concerts is really anything can happen!

For instance, on Sunday night I got to sing WITH Jay Semko, one of my musical heroes.  It was a wonderful and completely unexpected surprise…someone asked him to play a song off his first solo album but as he began to sing the song he realized he couldn’t remember the next two lines. I quickly mentioned that I had his CD in my purse with the lyrics and so he asked if I would go get it for him. I brought it up to him at the front of the room and rather than just reading over the lyrics quickly and giving them back to me, he asked if I wouldn’t mind staying up there to help him out with the song as well.  It was one of those moments I will never forget and would never had the opportunity to experience if it wasn’t for Victoria House Concert B.

Thank you again Andy for sharing your beautiful home with such talented musicians and all of us crazy Canadian music fans!

Nothing says "I love you" like a second-hand gift.

With Christmas neatly tucked away, we can finally concentrate on everyone’s favourite winter holiday – Valentine’s Day! Okay, so maybe it’s not EVERYONE’s favourite, but like it or not, it’s here. Today! So, what do you have planned? A boring store-bought card with someone else’s poem written in it? A billion-dollar bouquet of roses? Snore. You can do better.

Valentine's Day "Oreo" Cookies

Why? Because gifts made by hand are more meaningful! At least that’s what people have been telling me. Now, let’s get one thing out in the open before we get too into this post – I was not hired at UsedEverywhere.com for my photography or baking skills. But by golly I tried my best!

So here we go. Valentine’s Day Homemade Oreo Cookies, a recipe I borrowed from mybakingaddiction.com.

Ingredients

For the cookies:
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup unsweetened Dutch process cocoa
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 to 1 1/2 cups sugar
1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons (1 1/4 sticks) room-temperature, unsalted butter
1 large egg

For the filling:
1/4 cup (1/2 stick) room-temperature, unsalted butter
1/4 cup vegetable shortening
2 cups sifted confectioners’ sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Optional- Gel dye

Let’s bake!

Step 1 Gather up your ingredients

Step 2 Preheat your oven to 375 Degrees. Line cookie sheets with parchment paper.

Step 3 Mix the dry ingredients

Step 4 On low speed, add the butter, and then the egg. Continue mixing until dough comes together.

Step 5 Scoop teaspoons of the dough and roll it up and put ‘em on your parchment lined cookie sheet (about 2 inches apart). Flatten the dough a bit with moistened hands.

Step 6 Cook ‘em for 9 minutes (rotate half way through) and then take ‘em out and let ‘em cool.

Step 7 Make the filling, by putting butter & shortening in a mixing bowl & gradually beat in sugar and vanilla at a low speed. I added some red food colouring to make them more Valentiney. Turn the mixer on high and beat for 2 to 3 minutes until filling is light and fluffy

Step 8 Slap a teaspoon-sized dollop of filling in between two cookies and BAM! You’re done.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Words to Live By

Every now and then in life, you come across somebody who changes you.

Five years ago next month, a woman stopped by my blog and left a comment. I clicked back. Her post, that day, happened to be about sitting up rocking her baby through the night.

I’d been sleep-deprived for nearly a year, then: I was frayed and tired, and frequently overwhelmed. Yet here was a woman who wrote a post about sitting up all night with a newborn, a newborn she’d spent months in pain and on bedrest to birth, and those facts were all mere sidenotes.

The post began “Psst…over here. In the half-light of morning. I have something to show you. Someone to show you. Someone wonderful.”

It closed, simply, with”Because I am his mother. And he is my last child.”

Sometimes, a few words can alter your perspective entirely. Hers struck me, and humbled me. There was nothing sanctimonious or saccharine in them, just gratitude and an endurance and appreciation that I am still, five years later, trying to emulate.

This was the first thing Whymommy taught me.

Her name, though I wouldn’t know it for almost a year, was Susan Niebur. A NASA scientist and mother to two tiny boys, she blogged as “Whymommy”: why is the sky blue, Mommy? Why is the rain cold, Mommy? She knew the real answers, Susan did. We became friends.

And then, four months later, she was diagnosed with cancer. Inflammatory breast cancer, a particularly rare and deadly cancer that tends to strike younger women and presents mostly with skin changes – rash, redness, dimpling – on the breast, not with a lump.

She started chemo. She had a double mastectomy. Then another cancer. Lymph side effects. Recurrence.

She lived through hell and she wrote through it, honestly and in detail. But without lamentations.

All through it, Susan’s tone reminded me of that first post: genuine, enduring, appreciative. And all through it, she taught. She used her platform to educate, and to encourage. She altered – and opened – my perspective a hundred times.

She taught me that what matters for cancer patients is research: time, science, hope.  She taught me that cancer awareness needs to translate into action. She taught me that the stars – and the planets and the music of the spheres – are poetry, as well as science, and can be fascinating to even the smallest of kids. She taught me that every day is worth welcoming. And she taught me, again and again, as she had that first time, that the way you choose to look at a situation has an impact on how you experience it: even when it’s grim. Especially when it’s grim.

Susan stared grim down, unflinchingly. And then found beauty where she could, in the gifts of the moment. I have never had a better teacher.

I got to meet her in person, last April. We had one afternoon, running in the rain, gazing at the wonders at the Library of Congress. She bought me my first – okay, only, ever – hoagie. We talked. We laughed.  She was one of the most present people I’ve ever had the privilege of being with.

My friend Susan Niebur died last Monday. She wasn’t yet forty. Her boys – those boys she prized and loved above all else, those boys she endured so much to be here for, as long as she could – are only seven and five.

It is an incredibly sad story. That isn’t why I tell it.

I tell it because, sometimes, just a few words change lives. Susan believed – and stated openly, in our conversation last spring and in the mantra posted on her blog – that all that survives us is what we put into the world: our words and publications, and our love for other people.

She gave me, through her writing and our years of correspondence and friendship, a view of life that I’d never had access to before. She made me think about my parenting – and my time – as more precious than I’d realized. I was lucky enough to have the chance to thank her for these gifts. But to really honour them, and her, I need to share them, put them back out into the world.

Maybe one of you needs a new way to look at the stars.

Maybe one of you needs to taste the wonder of motherhood again, for a minute, rather than the exhaustion.

Maybe one of you needs to remind someone you love to go get a rash or a skin dimple checked out, now.

Maybe one of you just needs to know that even someone struggling and dying believed, with all her wise heart, that the world is a good and worthwhile place.

Maybe one of you needs to be inspired.

(I’ve had the good fortune of being inspired by Susan for almost five years now. It occurred to me this week how profound her impact’s been on how I see my life, and I felt her absence like a hole.

Then I found her Pinterest account. I don’t use Pinterest (yet); I hadn’t seen, til now, what she’d spent hours pinning. Or her commentary. It felt like finding her all over again.)

And so I share Susan, and her wisdom and her words and her life, lived by example. As her husband wrote in the final post on her blog, Toddler Planet, last Monday, “She is survived by her family, friends, achievements, and the indelible marks she made on people around the world.  In lieu of flowers, please consider furthering Susan’s legacy through a contribution to the Inflammatory Breast Cancer Research Foundation.  Or please choose to make a difference somewhere, anywhere, to anyone.”

Words to live by. Now go, do just that.

Ice Candles for Valentine’s Day

While visiting my niece and nephew the other weekend I mentioned my desire to do a special Valentine’s craft, but couldn’t think of a good enough idea. Before I had even finished listing the somewhat vast list of craft creations I was considering my niece (on the verge of rolling her eyes) said, “Why don’t you do ice candles?” She proceeded to show me several of her creations and they were truly awesome.

Maybe this is a really regular craft but I’ve ever heard of or seen anything like it. The end result is amazing. And, if my seven-year-old niece could do it, well I figured I could handle it.

The instructions are fairly straightforward…

What you need:

• crayons (I chose red for Valentine’s Day) or wax or nubs of old candles with wicks removed
• taper candles (one for each ice candle)
• double boiler  (create a double boiler using a metal can or other heat-resistant jar so you don’t wreck your pots)
• container or mould. I used a milk carton cut to size
• ice cubes

What you do:

1. Melt crayons or candles or wax in a double boiler over low heat (this takes a long time). You want to have enough wax to fill each container half full.
2. In the meantime, prepare container. I was instructed to use a milk carton cut to the size I wanted, but you can use any sort of container you want. Just make sure you can remove the candle from said container once it’s created
3. Put a few drops of melted wax in the bottom of your container and immediately place a taper candle in the centre of your mould. Allow the wax to set to hold the taper in place.
4. Surround candle with different sizes of ice cubes. The amount and sizes of cubes is up to your discretion
5. Pour enough melted wax into the mould to cover the ice. From experience, make sure you have a splash zone and are prepared for some mess. The wax is very hot yet cools incredibly fast, so move quickly and carefully
6. Once the wax has set on the candles pour out the melted ice cubes and remove from mould by tearing it carefully away.

  
While the instructions are straightforward I never seem to be able to make a craft so simply. Through trial and error I learned several things. First, crayons and candles take a long time to melt on the double boiler. An incredibly long time. Second, if you pour your wax over the sink and you spill some into your drain your sink will back up. And if you’re not careful so will your dishwasher and then your kitchen floor will receive the cleaning of its life. Just saying, it’s a real possibility. Third, ice candles burn unpredictably due to the varying shapes and spaces within the candle. Never leave burning ice candles unattended and have something to catch the drips.

So now that I have my learner’s candles out of the way I think I can handle this craft again. But how on earth is my niece so good at it?